Have you ever had an instant connection with someone? This crazy weird attraction that for some reason only you two understood. Nothing sexual or sensual because platonic relationships are still very much a thing. But this genuine kindred spirit felt between only the two of you. Yea I felt that before and it became the intro to an unorthodox friendship.
I remember our first encounter like it was yesterday. We were at a training event and he walked up to me with excitement only he could exude and said “Hey, we're best friends in my head, I follow you on social media.'' At the time I wasn’t someone who posted a lot, so his statement threw me off. I tried to play it cool by responding with “Aww you’re so sweet”. My tone was what country folks would say “Aww bless your heart”. I turned to my mentor and asked who this overly excited man was and he said that’s our new team member. While my facial expression portrayed a baffled look because me and social media barely spent time together, internally I couldn’t believe how in tuned I felt with him. This instant, magnetic connection was something I never felt before and being that he was of the opposite sex and not bad to look at, I was shocked that my lady parts was not apart of this decision making. This was by far the weirdest yet most natural connection I have ever felt and it meant everything to me.
Moving to NC was the best decision I have ever made but making friends as an adult is tough. I can’t express that enough. I’ve always been a loyal person and by loyal I don't always make new friends easily because I used to fear it was disloyal to my old my friends. So you could only imagine how I felt when the word “best friend” came out his mouth and I didn't disagree with him and defend I already had a best friend. I felt bad, almost like I was cheating on my real bestie from Detroit. Any who, I posted a picture of my Pineapple Upside Down shake I had for breakfast and he slid in my DMs and asked the recipe and this was the start to our crazy ass friendship.
While I am loyal, most would call him flaky. While I am dependable, most wouldn’t call on him unless it was the last resort. Most people didn’t understand why we were so close but I got a side of him that I knew he was afraid to give to the world. My logic was, if you weren’t privy to the dependable and trustworthiness that he freely gave to me, that was your issue, not mine. My BEST, the affectionate nickname I gave him, was all that I asked of him and we became each others peace of mind in this chaotic world, and if people didn’t understand our over the top connection....*insert Kanye and Oprah shrug*
Winter 2017 and the start of 2018 was tough for me. I had a stressful living situation, I didn’t know where I stood in my business, I was finally acknowledging I had been in an abusive relationship and that I very much had PTSD from it and the icing on the cake—my grandfather passed away. My BEST and I had a mutual understanding. We didn’t need to talk everyday but when we needed each other, we moved expeditiously ----should I have gotten permission from T.I. to use that word? There were things about those situations that only he knew (to this day unless he has spilled the beans, he is still the only person who knows certain aspects of the events of Winter 2017-2018)and he gave me the confidence he would protect my secrets like they were his own. He became my rock during this time so quite naturally when his world started to turn upside down I had to return the favor. The new transition for him was something I didn’t even know I was capable of handling but I showed up with my cape ready to tackle it. I gave him everything he didn’t think he needed and because he was my BEST, there wasn’t a question in my mind about providing whatever it was. If that meant losing sleep to text him through some decision making at 2am because he worked overnight—I did it. If it meant constantly reassuring him he was capable and worthy—-I did it. If it meant constantly reminding him to be a vessel and to stop playing it small---I did it. If it meant throwing a few coins his way but not in an attack to his masculinity (we argued about this lol I told him women can help men financially, gender roles be damned)—-I did it.
So you get the gist of this relationship and where it could potentially be heading—-and you’re correct. Foolishly we thought maybe our relationship should be more. We confused our loyalty to one another for love beyond friendship. Why wouldn’t we? I got him and he got me. No one else understood but we understood and that’s all that mattered. We had a connection that some people would never experience in a lifetime yet we experienced it every time we were in the same room. The way we showed up for one another during the trenches made us both promise while an intimate relationship was not the best thing to do, this friendship needed to be protected at all cost. I thought we were on the same page with this. We are usually in alignment on all things. We typically moved to the same beat—-literally and figuratively. Not this time I guess. After promising to come through for me and show up and rescue me he did the unimaginable. He never showed up. I called. I texted. I Facebooked. Nothing. I couldn’t believe it. I had never experience this side of him. This side that everyone else saw and the side I prided myself on never having been on the receiving end. I couldn’t believe my BEST was ghosting me.
So I know with all the Facebook articles defending ghosting I may have lost you and while some make valid points there are very few that address what ghosting does to the ghostee.
Let’s wrap a little bit.
This man was my BEST. He knew things that I had never shared with anyone else. Not even my mentor and bestie from home and those two know me more than anyone in this world. I freely gave whatever I had to him, because in my mind we were in this thing together. How could we go from being in a crowded room catching one another's eyes and moving accordingly simply based on the look we both gave each other to never speaking again. What kind of ghetto mess was that? How was I going to be okay? What did I do to deserve this? Thinking back to that one foolish moment that happened while sitting outside my townhome made me realize it wasn’t worth it. I wanted my BEST back, so I called and texted more. I replayed our last encounter over and over in my mind. I reread our last text messages to see where I could have went wrong and what I could have possibly said that caused him to shut down on me. Something had to be physically wrong with him and that was the only explanation I would accept for him ignoring me. I fell into a depression. I became physically and emotionally ill. I took off work and contemplated doing a “popup”. I played in my head what a popup would look like and instantly rolled my eyes. I knew that wouldn't solve anything and possibly make matters worse so I got out of my bed and started my healing process.
This wasn’t easy for me. He was “my person” and I started to feel like I wasn’t worthy of meaningful relationships. I was entering a season of WINNING followed by FAVOR and everything I had lined up was all from his belief in me including this blog. His sudden departure from my life made me feel less than and I questioned every move I had made during our friendship. This caused me to semi go crazy because I started to feel like I couldn’t handle this season I was walking into because it was him who told me “You’re the voice for those truly crippled with fear, cuz you aint...not even a little bit”. It was things like that he would say to boost me up and the thought of no longer having that scared me.
I took the dismissal of our relationship literally hour by hour if I am being transparent. There were easy days and there were tough AF days. But no matter the day I missed him a lot. I had to find what my mother would call a “new normal” and the strength that I found to do such a thing blew my mind. I tweaked and shifted my mindset to think about the “seasons” and how eventually everything runs its course. My season as his friend was the most beautiful and magical encounter I have ever experienced but sadly it’s time was up. I didn’t want to let thoughts creep into my head that he wasn’t worthy of where I was headed because I think he is worthy and deserving of all good things but I can’t help but think that my path and his path couldn't coexist and God recognized that and used him to end it. Instead of being upset and pissed off with him I became grateful for the time I was able to call him friend. I began to pray increase over his life and that whatever his heart desired be placed at his feet. I had to take the hate out of my heart because there was a time in my life that he was my lifeline and hating him didn’t do me any good. I had to wish him well despite him doing the lowest of the low by ghosting me. I had to still love him, but letting go of this dead friendship allowed me love me more.
So he ghosted me and broke my heart but my prayer is that, it was exactly what he needed to do to become the powerful and inspiring
person I’ve always known he could be. Him being great and being his true authentic self was enough for me, even if that was the cost of our relationship.
I wish him well and vow to not let the ghost of this friendship haunt me. I forgave him and my spirit became free.